Does anyone else cringe their way through the Oscars?

Okay, it's that time of year again, when Hollywood decides to reward itself with a three (usually four) hour extravaganza of kudos and gushing. I'm so out of touch that I had to ask someone if the show was on last night, even with the always insane amount of advertising associated with the show. So I turned it on, caught the last part of the opening montage with the hosts and then promptly muted the TV after only one cringe (an all time record).

For those without the pleasure of serving time in the gilded cage that is the entertainment industry, the shows are just another opportunity to see movie stars in evening wear.The "Academy" is a group of industry members who have been "invited" to join the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Typically these people have made significant contributions to the "art," or have been nominated for an Oscar. Studios have special screenings for Academy members, send out dvds/scripts/cds to promote their films and advertise like there is no tomorrow in industry periodicals. Basically, the Oscars are the equivalent of running for class president, where more often than not, the most popular kid (and often the one with the most money) wins.


Why am I so cynical about this love fest? Well, I guess because I worked in the industry for a while. Now don't get me wrong, the closest I ever got to the Academy Awards was trying to find my way around the city each February when they blocked off the streets. However, participating in the process, regardless of how ancillary my position was, gave me a healthy dose of reality. Everything is a competition, a desire to be the best of the best, but at the end of the day, awards like the Oscars are at their heart, a popularity contest. Watching Oscar winners hoist their heavy gold statues (and they are heavy) in the air just doesn't ring true the way it did when I was a starry-eyed entrant into that world.

Maybe it's because I have a kid now, and I worry about what losing at the ever increasing competitive life may do to him. I'm sure he will be successful at many things, but I harbor no illusions that he will be the best at everything he tries. I've seen tons of articles explaining why losing is not a bad thing for kids, how it helps them grow and develop. Sure, that makes sense, but what parent wants to see their child crushed because they didn't win this or that award/game/contest. Are we too competitive?

Mothers are the world's worst when it comes to competition. We want our kids to be the brightest and the best from the moment of conception, comparing ultrasound pictures and measurements of tiny arms and legs. The competition continues with the constant barrage of "when did he walk/talk/sing/dance/solve the mystery of who murdered JFK." It is never-ending and absolutely second nature. A simple trip to the park can be as exhausting as an Olympic competition, with Mommy-coach listing every accomplishment of her offspring.

What does this have to do with the Oscars? I guess it just struck a chord in me this year because my son is starting to venture out into the world, and I don't want him to think being popular is more important than the way he acts or who he is. The Oscars are not a quantifiable race, the playing field is by no means level and yet it is considered to be the highest achievement in the industry. When I was younger, my dream was to win an Oscar, an Emmy, and a Tony. (Obviously I had no problem dreaming big!) Much like Sally Field, I wanted to be able to say "You like me. You really, really like me." That quote has followed her for years, but truly, that is what winning an Oscar is all about, it shows that the "Academy" likes you, at least for that year anyway.

Approval is so important to us. I'm not sure if it is a specifically American desire, but I do know we tend to be the best at giving out popularity awards. I'm physically incapable of watching the acceptance speeches at the Oscars without covering my ears and squealing through the inevitable embarrassing parts. Listening to the recipients gush about how amazing it is to win the award just makes me cringe, not because they don't deserve to be honored for their work, but because they need the approval of others to validate it.

We encourage our child every day, cheering at small successes like saying "please and thank you" or putting away his toys. Encouragement is a healthy part of life, as is competition. I want him to grow up with a positive sense of self and not need the adulation of others to be fulfilled. My hope for him is that he will find his true worth in his accomplishments, relationships with others and positive spirit, not in the praise he gets from his peers. But don't get me wrong, if he's ever nominated for an Oscar or an Emmy or a Tony, you better believe I'll be front row center, cheering him on, and I won't even cover my ears once.